Competitions

This is just a short update today, because my band and I are playing at a Battle of the Bands competition tonight.

I really think we’re ready for it. I’m nervous as anything, but nerves are always good, aren’t they? We know our stuff, we know what we’re playing and we’re ready – it’s just we don’t have a tremendous amount of experience playing for crowds. There’s nothing we can do about that except play for more shows, which is what will hopefully happen after tonight.

If you wanna check out our stuff, go to http://www.facebook.com/Iridescentband – and there’s the shameless plug of the day. We’re working on new demos to replace the very, very, very rough ones that are currently up there.

Please check us out and let me know what you think. Any constructive criticism is welcome!

Anyway, I’m off to go panic some more and then get ready to play.

Wish us luck!

Cupcakes

My girlfriend made cupcakes today.

They were incredibly delicious.

She made Butterfly Cupcakes, which are vanilla, with jam and cream on top, and they’re amazing.

She also made me pancakes – ordinary and chocolate-chip.

She spoils me something rotten. So I need to get her back!

I need to cook her a three course meal and then proceed to wait on her hand and foot; I need to spoil her the way she spoils me.

…

But now that I’ve written it, she’ll read it and be expecting it… So I need to surprise her by throwing her off the trail and then spoil her with the three-course meal…

But now she’s read that…

I’m running in circles now…

Tutorials

One thing that’s essential to every video game is the tutorial. Otherwise, players won’t know how to play the damn thing. However, these can sometimes be tedious, boring and obviously a tutorial, which can really turn people off playing the game in the first place. If the tutorial is the first thing that the players are going to be faced with, they should be interesting and attention grabbing, instead of being the equivalent of a three-hundred page text book to be read by the next lesson.

I think the best kinds of tutorials need to combine the story and the teaching aspect into one. I just played the tutorial level/first level of Psychonaughts and found it to be incredibly fun and incredibly informative, and I think this is partially because I – the player – was learning how to do things at the same time that Raz – the character – was learning how to do everything. There’s an amalgamation of player and character which I think worked really well and I didn’t feel like I was just wandering through the tutorial, waiting for the real game to start. That said, the level itself was interesting and quite funny, which is also important.

When I think about a bad tutorial, the first one that comes to mind is from Final Fantasy 8 – although bad is probably too strong a word. The characters in FF8 are students, but they’re also sitting their final exam, which does make it kind of unrealistic/unsettling when Squall is asked ‘Do you remember how to do this incredibly simple and important task?’. The player is given all the information in one big slab, which gets incredibly boring on second play-throughs (I’ve found it really hard to play it again, simply because of the tutorial).

I liked Red Dead Redemption’s method of teaching the player how to do things, which was to just throw up a box telling you what to do whenever the situation came up. It didn’t detract from the story or game play, and just let the player start playing. Limbo’s tutorial was interesting, in the sense that it didn’t exist. But that worked and suited the feel of the game – you just wake up in the middle of a forest with no context and figuring out what the hell you have to do just adds to the atmosphere.

To be honest, I don’t know what prompted me to start talking about tutorials today, I just couldn’t think of anything else to write about…

For the record, I’m still annoyed at the whole Chuck Norris thing. Part of me wants to try and change the internet because of it. If anyone wants to start an Anti-Norris campaign with me, I’m all up for that!

Kinky Afro and Fruit Police have started coming up with Chuck Norris facts that draw attention to his homophobia, which I think is an awesome idea… If only I could come up with any…

Chuck Norris

There’s apparently one thing that Chuck Norris can’t do, and that’s accept people for who they are.

I think everyone’s been swept up in the Phenomi-Norris (I’m so ashamed of how long it took me to come up with that); everyone’s made the jokes and everyone has their personal favourite.

Mine is: Chuck Norris found Wally.

My dad’s is: Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because he only recognises the element of Surprise.

But I don’t think I’ll be able to look at a Chuck Norris Fact the same way now that I read this news post.

http://celebrities.ninemsn.com.au/blog.aspx?blogentryid=1022007&showcomments=true

When I saw that the title was “Chuck Norris wants to keep Gay Kids out of the Boy Scouts”, my opinion of the man dropped instantly, before I even read the article. I mean, the man is supposed to do anything at anytime, isn’t he? That’s the label that the internet has bestowed on him, so shouldn’t he be able to accept people, no matter what?

And what’s wrong with the boy scouts? I mean, why can’t kids just be kids, regardless of sexual orientation? Norris wrote an article called ‘Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?’ – which I haven’t read, but I don’t think I’d appreciate it, based on the title – condeming gay boy scouts and scout leaders, and also making some rather inappropriate speculations about Obama’s involvement with the boy scouts… the sound of it honestly makes me sick.

But why stop there, Chuck? Why don’t you try to prevent gay people from participating in any single-sex activity? What about competitive sports? Or recreational sports, while we’re at it? Or what about the profession that made you famous, should we prevent gay people from appearing in films? Or should we just change every scene in every movie to include two people – one man and one woman – to really hammer home that heterosexual message? That’d put a completely different spin on all of Norris’ fight scenes, wouldn’t it? But hey, at least there wouldn’t be the opportunity of him coming in contact with a gay man. So I’m sure he’d be happy.

I just… I’m honestly horrified that there is still homophobia in the world. I’m honestly horrified that there’s still racism, sexism and discrimination in general. Shouldn’t we, as a human race, have stopped being arses to everyone yet? Shouldn’t we know better by now?

But no, we’ve still got high profile ‘actors’ trying to stop kids having fun with their friends.

I say we all boycott ‘Chuck Norris Facts’ and start idolising someone else in the same way.

I suggest Mr. T, Batman, or Barney the Dinosaur.

I’m serious, we could make a badass out of Barney the Dinosaur if we tried.

Radiohead

I don’t know how to describe my relationship with Radiohead, aside from the fact that they never answer my calls or return my emails or open the window when I’m tapping on it at night. On one hand, I think they are amazing. ‘Creep’ and ‘Fake Plastic Trees’ are a couple of my favourite songs of all time, not to mention the sublime-ness that is OK Computer – which I’m tempted to say is one of the best albums I’ve ever heard. I’m definitely a fan of Radiohead.

That said, I think I need to be in the exact right mood to listen to them. They aren’t a band that I can listen to at any time at all, I need to have the craving for the sound that only they can give me. I don’t know how to feel about that, though… I’d love to say that they’re one of my favourite bands and they influence me so very much, but I just don’t think I can… For some reason my mind and my tastes don’t seem to agree all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think they are incredibly awesome. I just can’t listen to them all the time.

Our guitarist, Kinky Afro, cites Radiohead as the band that influences him the most, and it shows in his music – in a good way. He doesn’t just them off, but he takes the idea and concept of unusual sounds and rhythms to create his own kind of music (I’ll probably dedicate a blog to how amazing he is, as with the other members of our band… Keep an eye out for them).

What I don’t understand, I must say, are the comparisons between Muse and Radiohead. As far as I’m concerned, they’re quite different. Radiohead dove head-first into an experimental, electronic sound whereas Muse have retained a basis in rock, with incredible riffs driving the songs. Maybe their early stuff were of a similar genre, I can’t really comment at the moment, but I think that sometimes one band will play and write music of the same genre that another band happens to. That, and Thom Yorke and Matt Bellamy’s voices – which I think get compared quite a bit – are reasonably different. I think that Bellamy’s voice is significantly stronger than Yorke’s, but Yorke’s has a very unique tone to it.

Both use falsetto a lot, but that’s just them ripping off Jeff Buckley.

Folk Music

My most recent discovery about my own taste: I would love to play in a folk band.

Folk music has that fantastic optimism about it that can only come with depressing or dark lyrics combined with incredibly upbeat music. That’s a very plain generalisation, but that is part of the reason why I love folk so much. There’s something about the foot-stomping, hand-clapping and infrequent yodelling that fills me with joy.

This passion was ignited by a local Adelaide band called The Timbers, who I saw supporting The Beards (both bands are fantastic), and when The Timbers played, I was filled with such energy, I couldn’t help but spring to my feet and dance away with my friend, El Bravo (and, to quote a fellow on the dance floor ‘you guys OWNED that dance’).

But what’s really fanned the flame is the musical Once, the soundtrack to which I’ve been listening to reverently. I haven’t seen the film yet, but I had heard most of the soundtrack and loved it. The musical, however, took it to a new level. The acoustic tracks, the subtle piano and violin and the rip-roaring bonus track, ‘The Chandler’s Wife’, just make the soundtrack a joy.

I’m already the lead singer in a band with a fantastic group of people of whom I can’t sing enough praise about – facebook.com/IridescentBand (there’s the shameless plug. Forgive the old demos, we’re working on getting new ones up) – and I want to make Iridescent my career. That doesn’t mean I can’t have projects on the side! So, if anyone out there wants to play folk music with me, give me a shout! Or if you have folk bands to recommend, that’d be well appreciated.

Kristen Stewart

A few days ago, I alluded to a possible review of the film Snow White and the Huntsman, which I saw with my girlfriend. I feel that I have to apologise to her for putting her through this rant again, because for about an hour after we saw it, all I could do was complain about how terrible Kristen Stewart was.

Yes, I have ranted about Twilight before, but now I would like to focus my rage on the so-called-star of the series, because I believe that she is possibly one of the worst actresses of all time. Ever. She’s the female Hayden Christianson, but don’t get me started on him now.

As far as the film goes, Snow White wasn’t actually that bad. I liked the action and I think that Chris Hemsworth is a good leading man. The special effects were very good, and Theron’s overacting was delightful to watch. I thought that the dwarves were actually a bit superfluous, they just seemed to be there, and anything that they did probably could have been done by anyone at all… That said, they are integral to the Snow White story, so I suppose they had to be there. Most of the film, I actually enjoyed.

The parts that I didn’t? Had everything to do with Kristen Stewart. She was just… terrible casting, just terrible, and I’m going to make you sit through the arguments that I’ve already made my girlfriend listen to (I’m sorry again).

1) The Fairest of them All

The reason that the wicked Queen wants Snow White dead is because she used to be the fairest of them all, but Snow White came of age and became the fairest of them all, knocking the Queen from the proverbial throne. There’s something about a magic spell thrown into this too, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is this: Snow White is supposed to be more attractive than the Queen, otherwise the story falls apart completely.

So why did they cast someone so very unattractive like Stewart? Especially when compared to Theron! At no point during the film did I possibly believe that Stewart was considered more attractive/beautiful/fair.

But, I hear you say, exclaiming at the screen as if technology worked like that, what about her inner beauty? Surely that is what the mirror is referring to, for Snow White is purity itself and therefore more beautiful than the skin-deep Queen.

But the mirror has been saying that the Queen is the fairest of them all for years and years, which means that it doesn’t give a flying fig about inner beauty or anything like that. The mirror likes what it sees and doesn’t care about anything else. It’s the stupid sexist frat-boy approach to judging beauty. I’m surprised it didn’t need to be decided by a wet T-Shirt contest.

2) Purity and Life

A running idea through this movie was that Snow White was so pure and amazing, that she represented innocence and life itself. In fact, it’s this purity that is able to undo the Queen’s magic. I think that’s quite a cool idea, making her more than a pretty face.

But… again, why did they cast someone who was so awkward and out of place? Stewart has one setting when it comes to acting – dumb-struck nervousness. I’m sorry, I tell a lie. She has that setting and dumb-struck nervousness that’s trying to get its breath back. At no point did I believe that she was the incarnation of everything that is good. She could have tried, I don’t know, emoting? Smiling without looking like it’s causing her pain? Something to make us believe the other characters when they say she’s making them all feel so much better and brighter.

To me, it just looks like she’s making everyone else uncomfortable with her heavy breathing. Does she run laps around the studio before every take?

3) Battle Ready

At the end of the film, Snow White dons armour and a sword and leads an assault on the Queen’s castle (I won’t say too much more, for those who don’t want to know how the film ends). The film makers get points for trying to make the character active, but in the hands of Stewart, it just feels… helpless. I get that the character is supposed to be fragile, but there is a difference between fragility and being helpless. Stewart doesn’t seem to know that.

I’ve tried watching Stewart in other films. She was absolutely appalling in Twilight and I couldn’t get through Adventure Land, mostly thanks to her performance, but this one makes three films in which she’s been irredeemable. You know what sucks, though? I completely understand why the producers cast Stewart in the role. Being the highest paid actress of last year, Stewart can draw a crowd, which means that any film with her name attached will probably do quite well.

…

I hate that.

My girlfriend and I got into a discussion about who we would have cast instead. I suggested someone like Emma Stone or Anna Kendrick – both are fine actresses who I’m sure I could believe in a role like Snow White. They both have a happiness about them that Stewart doesn’t seem to be able to pull off.

My girlfriend countered with Anne Hathaway.

Needless to say, my girlfriend won that discussion. Hathaway would be perfect. She is very attractive, she can do action and she could make me believe that her Snow White makes the world brighter (she’s already done something similar in Hoodwinked).

I just can’t believe I didn’t think of that casting choice first…

VG

I’m writing this from the backseat of a friend’s car, as we (and by we, I mean, he) drive back from VG’s parent’s house. VG invited us for the day/night and it’s been a wonderful time.

I told you a little about the shed last night, but it still remains an insanely awesome place. The atmosphere there was fantastic – people kept on dropping in and out to say hi and share some home-brew, made by VG’s dad. I’m not much of a drinker, but the stuff that I tried was fantastic. He also gave a few of us a quick lesson in how he does it, which was nice of him.

We stayed up til about two in the morning playing a game called ‘Mafia’, in which everyone is dealt a card which tells them what role they play. The people dealt the ‘Mafia’ card need to eliminate the other ‘villagers’ without getting caught by some of the other player’s abilities. It’s heaps of fun on its own, but when you’re playing with eight hyperactive, slightly tipsy, end-of-semester-celebrating writing students (and one film student), the scenarios can get really creative.

Then we all gathered around the dying fire and talked under the stars until we couldn’t hold our eyes open anymore. It’s always interesting and fun with my Uni-Writer friends, but last night was something special.

Right now, I’m in the car with Medigood (who is driving), The Academic (who is sleeping) and :3 (who has selected some music which I may need to steal off her).

It’s been a fantastic trip, and it’s just a clear sign to me that I need to go on more trips like this. Maybe, if I’m struggling for things to write, I’ll tell you about the incredibly successful disaster of a road trip my friends and I went on last year.

That was insanely fun, until my eye exploded.

Guilty Pleasures

Everyone has guilty pleasures. Everyone has a film or television series or book that they like, even though they know that it’s bad. In fact, they like it because it’s bad – there’s just something so enjoyable about the terribleness of it all.

Here are some of mind that I recommend to you, although they come with a warning: These films are best watched with friends – if you watch these alone, you may find yourself depressed that you’re actually watching these films…

Doomsday
This is the greatest bad action film I’ve ever seen. It tries to do so much in so little time, and everything ends up pretty bad. A zombie-type virus has broken out in Scotland, so of course the only logical thing to do is build a giant wall cutting the country off from the rest of the world. So, I think to find a cure – I honestly don’t remember and also don’t care – a group of people journey into Scotland and, obviously, a lot of them die. The film is so ridiculous and over the top, from the villains to the stunts. It also doesn’t seem to know what kind of movie it wants to be. It goes from Mad Max to Indiana Jones to Lord of the Rings to Gladiator with bits of 28 Days Later thrown in every now and again. It’s so gloriously hilarious, it’s a perfect movie for any movie-night.

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
I know a lot of people hated this film and, when compared to the quite awesome graphic novel, I can completely understand why. But there’s something about it that I just love, maybe it’s the mix of some really cool literature characters or, again, the ridiculous, over the top action scenes. And, of course, anything with Sean Connery in it can’t be too bad, can it?

…

Yes, yes it really can. But I love it anyway.

Euro Trip
This is a film that my dad and my brother both love too – it’s a male bonding thing, watching this film. There isn’t too much of a plot, a group of recently graduated kids go through Europe so the main guy can meet the girl of his dreams, and you don’t really care about the plot. It’s the journey that’s a lot of fun. It’s completely stupid and silly, but there are some awesome cameos, specifically from Vinnie Jones and Matt Damon. And for the record, I think it’s shameful that the song ‘Scotty Doesn’t Know’ hasn’t won, like, every music award ever possible. It’s just made of awesome.

The Room
This is the ultimate in guilty pleasures. The Citizen Kane of bad films, this has to be seen to be believed. And I recommend that everyone goes to see this film, especially if they’re playing it in the cinemas. I went with my brother to a cinema screening of this film and it was, hands down, the best cinema going experience I’ve ever been to. It felt like a giant movie night – everyone who had a funny joke or comment to make would yell it out for all to hear, things were thrown and screamed at the screen whenever certain events happened, it was incredible. Out of all the films on this list, however, this is the one you must see with other people. If you watch it on your own, it will probably make you so sad that a film this bad actually exists. But it does and, in the right circumstances, it is priceless.

I don’t really have any guilty pleasure television shows, but if I had to pick one that would be closest to it, it’d probably be The Big Bang Theory. I don’t know why, but I just feel like that… Anyway, what are your guilty pleasures? What films do you love to watch even though they’re terrible? If you have any awesome ones to recommend, please don’t hesitate!

I am writing this blog from the back-shed of my friend VG, which is honestly one of the most awesome back-sheds I’ve ever seen – pool table, old arcade games, surround sound music system and a kick-ass bar. It’s so freaking awesome.

I also miss my girlfriend… Being away from her isn’t awesome at all…

Large Hams

Ham-Acting is, and always will be, hilarious.

I just love seeing actors, especially very good ones, acting so deliciously over the top and hamming up every scene. They aren’t bad performances (well, some of them are) but they show the audience that the actor is just having a good time and enjoying what they’re doing. I don’t know why I enjoy seeing that someone enjoys their work. I mean, if they didn’t enjoy it, why would they do it?

It’s especially obvious, in my opinion, when musicians aren’t enjoying what they’re doing, and that just brings the entire performance down. The audience reacts off of the performer, and when the performer has fun, the audience has fun.

But ham-acting is different, it’s that special type of acting that’s only reserved for a bad film, or villain roles. Today, for instance, I went to see Snow White and the Huntsman (more on that later, for I have many specific comments to make about it) but Charlize Theron as the Evil Queen (she had a name, but no one cared what it was) was hamming it up like I’ve never seen her before. Every second sentence was either a booming shout or a quiet whimper – it was obvious she was having lots of fun. It wasn’t a terrific performance, but it was definitely enjoyable.

There are terrific ham-acting performances, just look at the Pirates of the Caribbean series. Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush are constantly trying to out-ham each other, and they’re having a hell of a time, and giving a hell of a performance.

Personally, I think the best ham-performance I’ve ever seen was in the film Flash Gordon – which was a terrible, but hilarious film. BRIAN BLESSED was incredibly, hilariously over the top in every single second of every single scene he was in, and dear god, it was sensational. I do think that BRIAN BLESSED hams up pretty much every performance he gives (if anyone can claim otherwise, please tell me. Or maybe not, the shock may kill me) but he’s so good at chewing the scenery, it’s essentially his art form.

Do you have a favourite over-the-top performance? Any good ones, or hilariously bad ones?

And I’ll leave you on this thought: Is there another term for a vegetarian ham-actor?

…

Man, I have some lame thoughts…